Why Setting and Accepting Boundaries Are Necessary for Healing from a Chronic Illness

I’m Beth Daniel, the co-founder of Quantum Techniques. I was chronically ill approximately 17 years ago; once my health improved I started doing this work. One thing that I’ve noticed is that among people with chronic health problems there is an inability to consciously say ‘no’ and set boundaries with others, as well as accept boundaries from others. We all have our ways of saying ‘no’, even if we don’t use words. One of the patterns I’ve seen in my clients over the years, including myself when I was ill, is people with chronic illness are some of the nicest, kindest people on the planet. They never say ‘no’ to anything. Of course, it contributes to making them sick, but they say ‘yes’ to everything and keep no sacred space for themselves.

As my husband, a former clinical psychologist, reminded me, we all say ‘no’ one way or another. It may be in the form of chronic migraines, stomachaches, rashes, etc. ‘No’ can be said with a plethora of symptoms. Why does this happen? I think that many times as children we were invaded somehow – it could have been abuse, molestation, or control by a parent who was highly critical. The child had the feeling that it was never okay to say ‘no’ and it didn’t feel safe saying ‘no’. The child wanted to say ‘no’, but couldn’t, so the only alternative was to say ‘no’ with symptoms such as those previously mentioned.

If you say ‘yes’ to everyone around you all the time, you’re saying ‘no’ to yourself. You should set boundaries with your words and say ‘no’. It is difficult because many of us are kind, loving, gentle, sensitive people that have gotten the message that saying ‘no’ is mean. We get this message from society, sometimes religion, or our families – “You’re not supposed to say ‘no’ to anything.” Well, if we don’t verbally say ‘no’, we’ll do it in other ways. We need to practice setting boundaries and saying ‘no’. I educate all of my clients with chronic health issues on this subject because it is probably the most critical issue in healing from an emotional perspective.

The other part of this topic is being able to accept boundaries. If I’m really special in my illness and that’s my only identity, I have a hard time with people saying ‘no’ to me. It’s like “Hey I’m sick. I’m really special. You can’t say ‘no’ to me. I can’t accept your ‘no’. I can’t accept your boundary because if I do I’m not good, and then I feel like there’s something wrong with me.” This whole subject of boundaries needs to be flipped on its head so that accepting saying ‘no’ is healthy. However, remember that if you are the one saying ‘no’, it needs to be done in a loving way. You don’t want to act like a jerk when you say ‘no’; that’s not healthy either. Say ‘no’ in a loving way and lovingly accept boundaries from other people. It is necessary and required for the healing of chronic illness. Thank you.

 

About Beth Daniel

Beth Daniel completed a Masters degree in educational psychology and an Educational Specialist degree (Masters plus sixty credits in school psychological services) at the University of Minnesota. She is licensed as a school psychologist and practiced for eight years where her focus was on wellness promotion, crisis prevention and intervention with children and families. Beth is currently completing her Doctorate in Naturopathy. As a Quantum Techniques practitioner, Beth works outside of her role or licensure as a psychologist. Beth entered the field of Energy Medicine due to her complete recovery from severe multiple chemical sensitivities, fibromyalgia and environmental illness using Quantum Techniques. Prior to QT, she had between 25 and 30 allergic reactions per day, some of which were anaphylactic in nature and required oxygen for respiration. Beth is also a cancer survivor. Upon her recovery, Beth trained in Quantum Techniques, Masters level Neurolink, the Yuen Method, Contact Reflex Analysis, Field Control Therapy, and Emotional Freedom Techniques. Beth is one of only a few hundred people in the world trained at the Masters level in Neurolink and is an Academy Member of the Neurological Integration System. Beth has been a speaker at a number of educational workshops on a variety of topics, including Energy Medicine and its applications. She is a contributor to a book entitled "Ready, Aim, Captivate" which is endorsed by Deepak Chopra. Beth has served as a consultant for a non-profit youth mentorship organization. Beth is the co-founder of Quantum Techniques as it has evolved over the past several years. Beth and Stephen and their Rottweilers are based in Maui, Hawaii.

3 comments

  1. Wow! This information came to me in a magical way. I have been dealing with bronquitis everytime i meet with my family for the holidays. Every year is the same… they come visit, i get sick with bronquitis, and after reading this article i can see so clearly why it is always when they are in my town. Thank you thank you thank you. And happy new year 2019. <3

  2. It’s not about saying no or saying yes; it’s about checking with yourself first and taking a moment to think before answering. I was raped at three got cancer at 19 and won the battle at 34 and am now 54. I had to say no as I had six siblings and so did my husband with abuse in both families. It gave me time to get it together and heal. However I became too quick to say no and regretted it a couple of times. You need to love yourself more and give yourself the time to check with yourself for the answer before answering because you’re worth it and if others think you are worth it they will care enough to wait a moment for the answer and love you enough to accept your answer or just say no to them for a while and check back to see if they’ve grown now and again so it’s not so hard then.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

Visit Us On TwitterVisit Us On FacebookCheck Our Feed