How Your “Story” Might Be Keeping You Close to Your Problem

s“Going back in the past and retelling the story is not healing.” – Dr. Stephen Daniel

What story are you consistently telling yourself or others?

Is it a story that is happy or is it one teeming with angst and gloominess?

If it’s one filled with angst and gloominess, retelling this story over and over might be the reason why you still have the problem.

Here’s what I mean.

When you read a story, sometimes, you are captivated by it and sometimes you are not. Likewise, at other times, you might hate the ending or you might love it. In either case, you feel something about the story. When you feel something, whether good or bad, positive or negative, you have the potential of actually drawing more of that to you.

With your life story, it’s the same thing.

When you’re attached to your story, one that has a negative charge, you can bet that the dominant energy behind your story being broadcast out into the Universe or the ethers is not going to be good.

But, of course, you can change all of that.

One of the things you might not realize is that you actually have the power of choice and intention to change the story of your life. In fact, it’s really so simple, and so much so, you may even find yourself resistant to it. You may choose to remain stuck because it’s so much easier to stay where you are or because you fear change or you might have hidden beliefs lurking in the subconscious sabotaging your efforts and preventing you from moving forward.

Whatever your reason is, if you’re looking for a better life, one free of illness and pain and drama, ask yourself this: Am I ready to let go of my “story” and rewrite a new one? If you feel any resistance when you ask yourself that question, chances are, not only do you need to drop your story, you might need to rewrite it, too.

One of my favorite questions that I often ask myself in the event that I unknowingly get attached to my story comes from Byron Katie’s book titled: Who Would You Be Without Your Story?

Each time I read or am reminded of that question, I literally, at that instant, let go of my story.

So, go ahead, and ask yourself that question. “Who would you be without your story?” Think about that for a moment.

Would you be any different if you finally let go of the story you’ve been telling? What would your life be like when you stop telling your story?

Did you know that when you retell your story, especially about all of the bad things that have happened to you, you’re actually defending and justifying what’s wrong in your life and what’s wrong with who you are. Not only that, you even magnetized the negative charge attached to the story even more, which creates an even bigger problem for you.

There is nothing wrong with sharing your woes when something happens to you that appears seemingly bad in the present day. The problem lies when everything is okay and you still retell “that” story to anyone who is willing to listen. Yes, that, story. You know the one that happened in the 3rd grade where Billy took your lunch money but you ended up getting punished for it. The point is, whenever you think of your stories, and you still feel a strong negative charge attached to them, that’s how your “story” can keep you close to your problems. Why? For one, you’re still stuck in the past. And, if it’s a problem that took place in the 3rd grade, you’re reliving as that 8- or 9-year-old kid still fuming over that incident and your energy is spent keeping that part alive as opposed to you tending to what’s more important: living your life now.

Don’t get me wrong here, though. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t feel what you feel and or that there is no validity to your feelings. When you still feel a strong charge when you recall these past events like rage and resentment, what it means is that you still have some unhealed issues to work through and you need to find a way to relinquish them.

Letting go of your story

One of the things you can do now to create a better life is to stop retelling the same old story. If you’ve been retelling your story for a long time, you may feel awkward when you stop cold turkey. It’s going to be that way with anything. That’s because something has changed. Eventually, when you stop retelling your story, something else will come in to fill that void. Hopefully, you choose something positive.

In addition, you already know that letting go is already hard enough. Letting go of your story is going to feel hard too because your story validated who you are and your life up until that moment you decide to drop it. When you decide to let go of your story, you’re saying in some way that your story has served its purpose and it’s not longer needed to justify, defend, and protect you.

In the beginning, you might not see things in the outer world change for you at the speed you’d like when you drop your story. But, soon, as the inner story of your life changes, your outer story will match that as well. And, when you use Quantum Techniques to help you clear the traumas, beliefs, vows, or anything that is conflicting or blocking your path, change can occur pretty fast.

Rewriting your new story

So if you want a better and high-quality life, your next step after dropping your story is to start rewriting a better story. You can find more of this exercise in Lynn Grabhorn’s The Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting Playbook With the 12 Tenets of Awakening.

If you’re new to doing this, at first, you might feel resistant to it. I know that when I first started this process many years ago, I was very resistant to it as well. It was awful. I hated doing the exercise. Eventually, it got easier as I got clearer about what I wanted. Your new script is not set in stone so you can always change it at any point in the process.

To help you understand further the inherent power behind writing things down, and how many people, including celebrities, have written things down and got what they’d wanted, I highly recommend you read Dr. Henriette Anne Klauser’s book Write it Down, Make it Happen: Knowing What You Want and Getting It. Keep in mind also that I’m not implying that if you write down everything you want or that you read the book, you will get what you want.

Also, be sure to think big. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with asking for more and for good things to happen to you. But, be real and be realistic. And, whenever you ask for something, ask that it’s always be in the highest and best good for you with ease and grace or something even better.

When you’re done rewriting, let it go. Trust that a force more powerful than you will take care of the details. And, trust that this force also wants more than you ever want for yourself.

You might just get what you wished for.


About Sarah Bun

Sarah writes about the QT life + style and everything in between. When she is not empowering through words, you may find her in the kitchen whipping up some no-sugar added paleo and raw desserts. If you don’t catch her there, then you may just find her somewhere with a notebook and pen—writing.


  1. Sarah, you’ve helped me pin down and clear up something I’ve never understood. I’ve experienced the power of letting go of my story. and little by little I’ve been replacing mine with brighter, more productive ways of looking at things. But I’ve also learned that letting myself feel my real feelings and share them can be powerful therapy; it can take the sting out of them. So when is sharing a good thing and when does it lead to getting stuck in my story? I was glad when you cautioned “I’m not saying that you shouldn’t feel what you feel or that there is no validity to your feelings.” You made the difference clear when you said, “The problem lies when everything is okay and you still retell ‘that story.” Sharing gets my story OUT, whereas retelling the same old story locks it IN. I’ll remember that. Many thanks for your articles.

    • Hi Belinda. Thanks for the beautiful message. I love what you wrote about “sharing gets my story OUT, whereas retelling the same old story locks it In.” Well said.

      To answer your question: “When is sharing a good thing and when does it lead to getting stuck in my story?”

      Belinda, the easiest way you can tell is if you still feel a strong negative charge like resentment or anger when you recall an event that happened to you in the past. When you get worked up over a story that happened to you when you were 8, and you need to justify why you are this or that, that is one way your story can keep you stuck. It’s really more the charge or trauma attached to the story, and not really the story itself. But, of course, if you say it often, that’s what your life reflects.

      Yes, learning to let yourself feel what you feel in the NOW is important. Even though you are spiritual, you are also human. It’s important to not pretend that all is well when it isn’t. But, it’s important to acknowledge it and then move on.

      Also, you know that you have overcome your situation when you no longer feel whatever you used to feel about an event that happened a long time ago. If you can see it with a fresh pair of eyes or see the lessons behind them, like, Oh, that happened, but I am now much stronger now or I am grateful that that happened to me because it had made me who I am today.

      There is nothing wrong with sharing as it is cathartic to many people. Just be alert to how you feel. If it feels negative, you’re most likely going down the wrong path as this is going to keep you stuck. But, if you feel good, you have proven and demonstrated that the issue no longer holds you hostage.

      Thanks again for the wonderful message. Thanks for reading. Hope this helps.

      • Yes, this makes things even clearer, especially when you say that it’s more “the charge or trauma attached to the story, and not really the story itself.” I’ve been discussing this with my kids. Thanks, Sarah! Keep up with your writing because you never know whether what you say or how you say it will change someone’s point of view.

        • Thanks Belinda. That’s right. It’s really the charge that’s attached to the story. Even if the charge isn’t there, you will have a memory of it. What’s important is that you want to clear the charge so that you don’t have the potential to recreate similar events in the future. I’m glad you’re sharing this with your kids. Thanks for reading. Yes, you are right. We just never know what we say or how we say things might change someone’s point of view. Blessings!

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